What is really bugging you?

I had a conversation with a staff member the other day, and it has been quite obvious over the past several months that she is not really happy with her present situation. She is often short with other people and just avoids the rest of the staff. When taking a break she often retreats to her car to be alone, or heads to a nearby friends house to spend her time. She is very seldom in the staff room and will often check out of meetings early to avoid any small talk that might occur afterwards. After a number of conversations about what might be bugging her I am still not able to determine to root of the problem, and am mystified as how to make her more comfortable and excited about her current position.


Why are people so protective about what's bugging them? Do they fear the repercussions of the "boss"? Are they afraid of sharing their feelings? Or have they been so miserable for so long that they don't really know what is bugging them?


I think the best way to solve a problem is the speak your mind openly and honestly and tell the other person exactly what is bugging you. First it takes a bit of time to understand what the issue is. This is usually best done with some reflection on the incident or action of the other person and make sure you own your portion of the problem and accept your ownership BEFORE addressing the issue with the other person.


Next - make sure you are not blaming anyone for the situation you are in. When you do your reflecting, listen to the small voice inside you and what it is saying. Are you looking for someone ro something to blame for your current situation? If you are, you need to take a step back and ask yourself what you did to cause this to occur? What part of this situation do you own? You will always own some of it, and after reflection sometimes more of it than you originally thought.


Lastly, when coming to the person that asked you the initial question, come ready to solve the problem. Don't drag in the past, or episodes that have no relevance to this issue. Deal with the issue, don't make it bigger than it really is and remain focused on solutions. This will ensure that positive outcomes are sought after and problems can become growth opportunities.


So next time some one asks you "What's bugging you?" take a few minutes, reflect on what is truly bugging you, and then - tell 'em.