The Lost Art of "Going for Coffee"

When I was younger my brother and I were drug around the country side with mom and dad for coffee. We went "for coffee" to the neighbours around the community. Many of the neighbours had kids that were older, their houses void of toys or games and we were asked to sit politely at the table and listen to the adults talk for, what seemed like hours, about nothing.
Now that I am older, I look back at those times I wonder how our world would be different if we still went for coffee. I wish we had the ability to overcome our fears to head over to our neighbours for coffee. Most of us do not know our neighbours well enough to "pop in" for a cup of coffee, and if we do know our neighbours, the time we put aside for visiting and talking is limited to a couple (if that) close friends. We often don't socialize with the person (or people) that are closest to us geographically.
Today if we go for coffee, we are likely to head to Tim Hortons or Starbucks and sit by ourselves. We don't allow people into our house because we are told to fear strangers. We teach our kids not to trust anyone and definitely not to talk to anyone. So if we avoid everyone, close the garage door as soon as we drive in, maybe they will all leave us alone. If we want to get together we need an excuse, a business meeting, a cook club, a community membership meeting where rules exist to keep the peace, and as soon as our meeting is over we retreat back to our small forts and close the blinds.
So how do we build trust and gain respect of others if we don't talk to them? And how do we learn without dialogue and conversation? And how do we overcome our fears if we are locked in our small forts throwing glances and the neighbours on the other side of the fence? You can't - you need to get out from behind your walls and communicate with others.
Next time you grab your coffee mug, take a look outside and see if the neighbour is out there shoveling the snow off their walkway (yes I live in Calgary and it is snowing on April 21st). If they are shoveling, first go help them shovel, and then invite them in for a cup of coffee. I think you will learn a great deal about them, start building the trust and respect for others, and start building a stronger sense of community at least on your block.

Being the change

I have been reading about personal and organizational change, the ability to change and what is actually required to make significant changes in our lives. This weekend, I took the weekend off from reading and personal learning and, for the most part, did actually very little. In one way it was refreshing, but in another I feel guilty that I played over 5 hours of video games, watched a couple movies that I wanted to see (both are over a year old), and basically "wasted" time all weekend. I did make the bed, wash some clothes and create supper for my boy, but the rest of the time - well was ... wasted.
When it comes to significant change, the patterns that we get ourselves into are important. I feel that taking some time off every once and a while from the daily demands in important - to rejuvenate, reflect, and relax. Spending time doing things for yourself and resetting your internal compass through reflection is also vital to success. So the question remains - "why do I feel so guilty this morning?"
I think it is because of other peoples perceptions of how we should be spending our time. If my dad knew I spent 5 hours playing video games and watching movies he would be upset and address my priorities (even though I am 41 with children of my own). If my wife knew (she is away this weekend) she would be asking about all the little chores that I should have completed or that are still undone. While the perceptions of others is important to notice, we still need to do what we feel is right and what we feel is important. I am sure someone would say I have not been a great role model to my son for the past two days, but I hope the other 353 days of the year when I am working hard to support others will demonstrate to him (and his sister who is with mom) that you can't sit around an hope things happen - you need to shut the video game off, miss a few movies and work hard to get what you want. But I also believe that every once and a while it is ok to "waste" a day on yourself. Now where is that remote?